Frozen in Time

So much is defined by time. We follow clocks and schedules like world depends on it. Any alternate view of time is considered completely radical. My love of time-traveling only exists as science fiction. What I would give to go back and see people and be given the opportunity to change decisions a failed to make correctly. To cherish and better know those people that would be taken from me. What I would give to forward and know the outcomes of my current worries so that my fears could be eased. To not feel the stress of the unknowns that lie ahead. There is so much upon me right now. So many responsibilities and decisions and changes to be made in the next year. And I sit here, static as a rock, unchanging. I deliberately ignore the challenges that face me as the deadlines for upcoming tasks slowly approach. Its not that I don't want to change. I want more than anything to figure myself out and to feel like a whole person. Why is it that I cannot actually take that step to make that change? What is wrong with me? I despise time because as the world grows and changes, I am merely spectator, frozen in time.